Uma

It was already Sunday evening and I felt I had wasted away the weekend accomplishing nothing. I was preparing myself to experience the ordeal the following week. After a quick dinner of blue berries, cereals, and grape fruit, I still had an hour to kill before sleeping.

Opening my computer, I logged on to AOL and heard a ping as my yahoo messenger automatically came alive. Scanning for latest updates at the rediff and CNN, I subconsciously opened the chat site in yahoo and peered through Washington DC room. I was yawning and staring at the screen, bored, when “Uma_lagoon” entered the room. I jumped and suddenly felt spirited wondering if this woman would reply to my pinging.

“Hey, Wassup?” I typed and was immediately reciprocated with

“Nothing much, where from and what do you do?”

My subconscious mind was already busy trying to find out more details about her by visiting her profile, but to my disappointment, she had left it blank with no photograph.

First, I began asking if she was an Indian, not that it mattered, but just to conjure the right image of her in my mind. I tried imagining her through different attractive females, both self-created and adapted ones such as movie characters. Interestingly, even the countenance of Uma Thurman zipped past my mind. It turned out that she was an Indian and by default, my next question was if she was from India. “Yes, I am originally from Bangalore, but did my graduate studies in Clemson, and you?” By then the conversation had proceeded beyond the introduction routine and I learnt that she was a software engineer working in Reston.

My experience with software engineers had been with those who lived in warrens, sharing their room with 5 other people, with intentions of saving money. I began losing interest in her and my eyes focused on the report discussing the ‘Timber wolves’ and ‘Kings’ game. “What do you do Uma, in general, other than working, especially on weekends,” I typed. “I try to utilize my time effectively on weekends and do something worthwhile.” Yah, right!! Like manicuring your fingernails or going and doing some window-shopping at the JC Penny I felt. “So, what is your way of enjoyment, especially on weekends?” For a woman, Uma surprisingly typed fast; in the sense my observation was for every woman there were 3 men in the same chat room and therefore, the slow response. As it was a Sunday night, I guessed none other men were bothering her on the chat room and that way she was able to devote her time completely into me.

Uma typed, “I love watching and playing sports and recently I have developed movie watching skills. I love reading books as well. Somehow, I hate doing groceries or other chores that have no meaning towards life other than helping one in survival.” For a moment I couldn’t believe my eyes. What she had typed wasn’t normal for an average woman I felt, and the way she described her existence was exactly how I perceived one must live. This person was in a way very similar to me. Wow!!! I remarked, “That is remarkable.” I didn’t want to type in “Yah, it is so uncommon for a girl” and offend her.

We discussed a few good movies including “I am Sam,” “Radio,” and “An officer and a gentleman.” We also recounted incidents from the best sellers and somehow the hour passed by within seconds. Uma bid me good-bye at 10.00, as she had to wake up early. “Hey, can I add you in my friends list and also email you? I really liked your company and could definitely learn more about your interests?” “Sure go ahead, I’ll also add your id.” We parted and I knew I was going to dream well that night.

I had an incredible week at work and my mind was fixed on Uma and I performed my work without a sense of attachment. I would have caused Krishna to envy me, as I don’t think any of his devotees can so perfectly execute their duties detached.

I saw her again the following Saturday and I wanted to chat with her longer. Her subtle image, my creation of her within me, was blaring in my heart and I could see the person through the chat window. My perception of her as a woman of my tastes had blossomed fully over the course of the week and my mind was resonating with her voice.

“So Uma, how was your week and what did you do?” “Don’t ask me, I hated my work and my boss can be so mean at times and I felt he was taking advantage of my sincerity.” Immediately wild thoughts of her boss messing with her and perhaps pawing her hit me and I was already seething. “Don’t worry Uma, ignore him and I guess you’ll be alright.” “Yah, so let us discuss something else please.” Although originally from Bangalore, Uma was a Tamilian much to my delight and her ancestors were all based in Mylapore. “Did I tell you, I like playing and I was in my high-school badminton team.” I like it, I thought, and asked her if she continued playing here. “Yah, I have a few friends and we play tennis. In fact, the other day, I defeated my friend Rohit.” Ooh!! She can take on guys and thrash them. I told her I ran on Saturdays and Sundays and played tennis in the evenings. “That is nice, I ran the 5K race last weekend in DC.” My heart suddenly stopped beating. I suddenly felt weak within and her image within me sharpened to a goddess. One that can crush your ego and make you feel weak and puny.

One part of my mind said, “Dude!!! Don’t even think about it. Forget it and get going with your life.” I badly wanted to ask her how old she was and if she had her picture online. I feared she might get offended and thus I stuck to trivial issues. She seemed a very nice girl and simple. “I love cooking too and I have been doing so since my 9^th grade,” she said. That isn’t uncommon for a girl, especially from the south. I was sure they would have forced her into doing it. We discovered that we liked camping, and other outdoor activities including white water rafting and canoeing. I was slowly getting the feeling of inviting her on a date and meet her. “Oops, it is 2.00am already. I had better be going. If you don’t have anything better to do tomorrow afternoon, why don’t you come online,” she remarked.” Had I been with her in person, I would have muttered something unintelligible being tongue-tied, but fortunately I was online and chatting.

I woke up late and felt groggy. I wasn’t a drinker and I had to get that communicated across somehow to build up my reputation. I had a quick lunch and went online at 2.00. “Yo!! Uma, did you sleep well.” “I guess I did. After all, remember, I had chatted with you before I hit the bed.” I felt my insides imploding and I felt warmth when I heard that statement. You know Uma, I have chatted with you only for a week, but I was wondering if, you know, could meet for dinner next week. “You know, I thought the same too. So how about meeting at Mumbai Tandoor at Tysons?” I hated eating at Indian restaurant as them make you so full. But I didn’t want to disturb the set up. After all patience wins, they say. As though reading my mind, she began typing, “I personally don’t have a problem eating anywhere if Indian doesn’t sound very appealing.” “No not at all, that is fine, so let us meet there as discussed.” “What would you like she asked me? I feel like getting something for you.” This girl seemed totally different and I felt, wow!!! This cannot be true. “No, I am alright and of course, since I invited you for the date, the bill will be on me.” I said I would wear a pair of blue jeans and white T-shirt.

She said she would come wearing a black t-shirt and jeans, and for easy recognition, sneakers – Nike. “Hey, how tall are you, in case I find you hard to locate.” “I am 5-9 and medium built,” she said. No wonder she is a sportswoman I thought. “All right, let us meet at 7.00 the coming Friday, good knowing you Uma, take care,” and I signed off.

Needless to say, the week went even better and I was at high spirits much to the discomfort of my boss. I dreamed about her every minute and I have learnt the scriptures advocating the worship goddess Uma for getting a beautiful wife. For a moment, I was tempted to do that, but I hated trading devotion to assets and thus didn’t do it. I went to work early that day and left home by 4.00. Taking care, I made sure I appeared well dressed and decent. I meditated for a few moments on how I must approach and what must I talk. Fortunately, since Uma was different, I somehow felt confident I could talk to her well and wouldn’t be ill at ease.

I reached there at 6.45 and nobody was there. I took my table at the corner between the kitchen and the bar and taking a deep breath, I focused on the door. And then at 6.45, I made out the silhouette of the blue jeans and black t-shirt. I focused on the feet first and noted the Nike. I shifted my gaze to the T-shirt and long legs and her legs were incredibly long indeed. Her T-shirt, well!! Something was amiss. I redirected my gaze to her shoes and something was odd. Her shoes seemed like those of Shaquille-O- Neal’s for a woman. Her shoulders were bulging and muscular and I panicked when I saw her face. There appeared to be a pencil shade of mustache and as she approached me closer I covered my hands over my face. God!!!! It was a guy.

He appeared towards me and asked, “excuse me, have you seen a girl walk in?” “Are you Uma_lagoon,” I asked. He was speechless and for moment and we didn’t talk. Then he gathered courage and introduced himself. I am Umashankar. It then occurred to me that my profile had “21 female” as I used to disguise myself online. “I saw your profile and was shy to ask your name, he added.” Your id began with div and I thought you were Divya. We suddenly burst into laughter and decided to go elsewhere. Parking our cars at the metro station, we took a cab to DC. We sloshed ourselves at a bar as we recounted our previous two-week episodes.